Operation Me!

Today was the first day of my summer vacation and I'm feeling so positive about a new change I am going to make - Operation Me! Last year I worked throughout the summer as a clinician. But this year has brought a new challenge - costochondritis. This is a relatively rare health condition that is defined as inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the sternum. Those who have the condition define it as hell. Plain and simple. I was officially diagnosed with this condition in October of 2015.

Costochondritis is a hard thing to try to try to explain to others. For one, it affects everyone differently. Some who have this heal with in a month or two while others have it for years (some for more than 20 years!). The pain most often occurs on the left side of the ribcage, but some (me included) have it primarily on the right. And it moves around - it's hardly ever just the left or just the right; or just the upper ribs or just the lower ribs. For some it can feel like one is experiencing a heart attack as the pain travels to the shoulder and arm as well as the sternum. It can cause shortness of breath, anxiety, rapid heart rates, and inflammation and swelling.

This illness can be debilitating at times and can wreak havoc on one physically and emotionally. For me, I found it to be quite a shock to my way of life. I have always prided myself on being a hard worker, extremely independent, a go-getter, a goal-oriented person, and a "supermom." Suddenly I was forced to not be able to do my normal day to day activities, call out of work at times, miss family events, rely on others more than I would have liked, lay down and rest, and focus on my health. I had some tough moments. I wasn't depressed but some days I was feeling very down and very emotional. I had some bouts of anxiety that would send my heart racing and my emotions soaring.

Through all of this, though, I learned a few positive things. First I was reminded day in and day out about how many people in my life love and care for me. They were willing to do anything and everything for me. I didn't always let them (did I mention that I am very stubborn?). I had just gotten married last July and this was not how I had envisioned my marriage - I felt I was letting my husband down. I worried I was going to feel like this forever and wondering if he would have married me had this started before I had gotten married. I was overcome with sadness and tears every time I had to miss my kids' events or when I couldn't drive them somewhere or when I had to ask them to be careful when the hugged me. I felt I was letting my family and friends down when I didn't go to family events or when I didn't want to even pick up the phone to say hello because I had nothing positive to say that day (which I learned wasn't true). It was a very tough place to be during the hardest months of this illness.

The second thing I learned, and referenced above) was that no matter how terrible the pain was or how hard of a day it had been, I could always find something to be grateful for. I dug deep and started two journals lists. The first was: things I was grateful for that day. It could be as simple as fresh water, my heating pad, my loved ones, and Netflix! But once I started writing a few items each night it got easier and easier to notice all the amazing things in my life. The second list was: a "can do" list. Costochondritis comes barreling in and makes you feel that you suddenly can't do the things you used to. Any chronic pain condition will do that and it really messes with your emotions. So I started listing the things that it hadn't taken from me. Again on some days this list was very basic! It included things like: took a bath, was able to read a book, was able to do dishes, etc. On better days the list included things that helped me feel like I was getting back to my old life: did 15 minutes of yoga, went to work, and walked the dog.

Lastly I learned that we all have mountains we have to overcome in life and they come in all shapes and sizes. I was used to overcoming other mountains and having control over managing them and coming out on top. This mountain was different for me because I had no control, the condition was relatively unknown by many doctors and other practitioners, and was virtually unheard of my most people. But somehow the human spirit perseveres and finds ways to move mountains.

I found two facebook groups of fellow costochondritis sufferers and this was the most invaluable tool for me to start to heal next to resiliency. I was able to use this venue as my place to vent when I was having a terrible day and this took some of the worries off of my loved ones. I was able to find answers, support, resources and encouragement from these groups.

Today after 8 months of costochondritis; 8 months of not one pain-free day; 8 months of ups and downs emotionally; and 8 months of learning how to care for me while trying to manage a normal life; I am going to take the next 7 weeks to kick my healing into high gear. Why 7 weeks? Because it's my summer vacation and I have 7 weeks until we leave for our "familymoon" to Iceland. We have planned and saved for this trip for a year and I am hoping to be able to to enjoy it with as little pain as possible (or maybe no pain at all!).

I have a fluid plan of what Operation Me is going to look like. It will include a minimum of 60 minutes of exercise a day (this can include gentle walks, stretching or yoga, swimming or physical therapy); eating an anti-inflammatory diet, meeting with a nutritionist who specializes in behavioral and functional medicine, getting an orthopedic massage at least once a month, meditating, using mindfulness, aromatherapy, and taking supplements.

I am still going to spend time with loved ones, do housework, blog, and run what I call "Camp Charlie" with my kids (my version of an at-home summer camp full of activities). But now that I don't have a full-time, strenuous job to deal with each day I can spend some of that time each day focused on healing.

Wish me luck! I don't know where this journey will take me but I'm looking forward to the ride. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for updates. I am hoping that this process does two things: 1) helps me to beat costochondritis (maybe for good) and 2) helps others who are dealing with this condition or another chronic condition to find support, resources and encouragement.

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time with questions!